LAFarmer

12 months ago

Adult
Suicidal thoughts

The end was just the beginning

June 30, 2023, I was living at the Salvation Army in Bowling Green, KY. My business had failed earlier that year.  I watched as my trucking company of 10 years took its last breath, despite my best efforts.  It was the 4th business I watched die in my life.  My mom’s words about my self-worth echoed in my ears.  I was at the end of my rope and totally depressed.  I moved into the SA in April of 2023, right after my birthday.  I had a resident almost immediately start bullying me.  I felt like my life was over.  I had failed to keep my business afloat, yet again.  I was hopeless and ready to give up. I planned to end my life. I bought a garden hose, duct tape, and a pool noodle.  I was going to use the exhaust from my car to end my life.  I would go to sleep in my car and never wake up.  I felt like everyone would be better off if I were no longer in the picture. The day I planned to carry out my plan, one of the workers at the SA found out what I was planning and stopped me from leaving the shelter.  He supported me as I cried through the issues and helped me seek assistance at the crisis center. I spent 10 days in the hospital, figuring out my new living plan and place in life.  It was hard to look at myself, but I was able to work through the issues and realize I deserved a chance to live. I reached out for help with the bullying and was able to work through my issues. The loving support I found at the Salvation Army saved my life.

SA gave me a place to call home til I got my new apartment in October 2023. I got married to my beloved husband, whom I met at SA in March of 2024.  Life is so good now.  I am reminded that my life is a tapestry. I get to see the backside of the masterpiece.  I see all the knots, threads, and flaws.  But on the other side is the masterpiece I am becoming.  All the colors, the brights and darks, all blend to become the picture of who I am.  I am beautiful and so worth the effort.  I have a new life that is so much better than I ever could have imagined.  I have a long way to go, but for the first time in my life, I am looking forward to the journey.

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