I’ve been compiling a list of 50 reasons to stay alive for 50 days. Here they are:

1. Seeing another Christmas, with a fraiser fur Christmas tree of course. 
2. Your sister coming home for Thanksgiving. 
3. Putting “NAMI Next Gen ‘25” in your LinkedIn bio.
4. Realizing how lucky you are to have all the basics covered. 
5. The hope that comes from science evolving. 
6. Sunrises, even if you’re not motivated enough to see them.
7. Sunsets, even if you go to bed before the sun goes down.
8. Early morning dew that looks like glass. 
9. The smell of the earth before it rains. 
10. Those make your own perfume places you go to on vacation once every 10 years. 
11. Those take-home perfume bottles that look way more expensive than they are (hint: the gold cap always breaks). 
12. Raindrops dancing on the window. 
13. The sound of thunder and the flash of lightning as you fall asleep. 
14. Your younger sister, who kind of maybe one day will admit to needing you for something. 
15. The next chapter in your story.
16. The next chapter in someone else’s story. 
17. Beach days at Rehoboth, annually for the past 24 years. 
18. Being a published editorial assistant at age 23. 
19. Having 20 bylines to your name by age 24. 
20. All the books to read that haven’t come out yet. 
21. All the words you’ll write that haven’t been formed yet. 
22. Warm blankets that have just come out of the dryer. 
23. Second chances.
24. Third chances.
25. Fourth chances.
26. Fifth chances. 
27. The person you’re becoming. 
28. The feel of your fridge’s weird globe-shaped ice cubes in your hand.
29. Keurig coffees that don’t explode everywhere. 
30. Keurig coffees that DO explode everywhere.
31. Glass shattering when you ~try to put a hot drink over ice. You don’t realize glass can even break? You feel dumb. You get over it. 
32. Someone you deeply admire sharing their Christmas tree pictures with you.
33. Informal NAMI coffee talks with senior staff members.
34. NAMI Connection groups.
35. Your friend not in crisis this Thanksgiving. 
36. Being excluded and refusing to let it break you.
37. Facing setbacks and continuing to grow.
38. Learning that you can be honest with your providers and they won’t drop you.
39. Being given a shirt that says “easily distracted” with a picture of a squirrel on it.
40. Squirrel sightings; the ones with nuts in their mouths reign supreme.
41. Setting a goal of being out of the hospital for three months and achieving it.
42. Achieving small goals.
43. Achieving big goals.                                                                                                                                             44. Making plans without your heart racing.
45. Realizing you can survive things that you once thought you couldn’t.
46. Doing those darn DBT worksheets and memorizing the whole book (yes, Marsha Linehan was a genius). 
47. Seeing your name in print and admitting it’s a capital-a ACHIEVEMENT. 
48. Those people who don’t stay in your life long term but teach you something anyway.
49. Barb Solish, because some people help you stay alive simply by being who they are.
50. Jennifer Rothman, because everyone needs an A++ quality mentor. 

And a bonus 51: The simple, stubborn, indescribable truth that you are still here. And thank goodness for that.