I’ve been struggling to get help. I was why to reach out and ask for help. I should have done it much earlier. Not only professional psychotherapeutic help but to go directly to a clinic but the inhibition threshold and fear was too great. I hated myself, had daily war with myself and against myself. I have often thought how good it is that I am currently alive here on earth and can write these lines. So life can change quickly. I thought that my life is no longer developing positively, but it is getting a little better day by day. Every day I now try to fight against the sick perfectionism, the sick claim thinking and against self-denying thoughts. I stand on the side of “life”, sometimes still with violent fluctuations. Sometimes my condition is quite stable, sometimes less stable. For several months and years I thought that it was no longer worth fighting for his life. I see it differently today. I’m still not one hundred percent stable and I’m not doing really well yet, but the upward trend is noticeable. It’s hard, exhausting, sometimes hopeless and tough but it’s worth fighting. Never give up.