Should I see a Counselor or Therapist

Should I see a Counselor or Therapist

Eric went to therapy a couple of years ago when his parents were getting divorced. Although he no longer goes, he feels the 2 months he spent in therapy helped him get through the tough times as his parents worked out their differences.

Melody began seeing her therapist a year ago when she was being bullied at school. She still goes every 2 weeks because she feels therapy is really helping to build her self-esteem.

Britt just joined a therapy group for eating disorders led by her school’s psychologist, and her friend Dana said she’d go with her.

When our parents were in school, very few kids went to therapy. Now it’s much more common and also more accepted. Lots of teens wonder if therapy could help them.

Some Reasons Teens Go to Therapists

When teens are going through a rough time, such as family troubles or problems in school, they might feel more supported if they talk to a therapist. They may be feeling sad, angry, or overwhelmed by what’s been happening — and need help sorting out their feelings, finding solutions to their problems, or just feeling better. That’s when therapy can help.

Just a few examples of situations in which therapy can help are when someone:

  • feels sad, depressed, worried, shy, or just stressed out
  • is dieting or overeating for too long or it becomes a problem (eating disorders)
  • cuts, burns, or self-injures
  • is dealing with an attention problem (ADHD) or a learning problem
  • is coping with a chronic illness (such as diabetes or asthma) or a new diagnosis of a serious problem such as HIV, cancer, or a sexually transmitted disease (STD)
  • is dealing with family changes such as separation and divorce, or family problems such as alcoholism or addiction
  • is trying to cope with a traumatic event, death of a loved one, or worry over world events
  • has a habit he or she would like to get rid of, such as nail biting, hair pulling, smoking, or spending too much money, or getting hooked on medications, drugs, or pills
  • wants to sort out problems like managing anger or coping with peer pressure
  • wants to build self-confidence or figure out ways to make more friends

In short, therapy offers people support when they are going through difficult times.

Deciding to seek help for something you’re going through can be really hard. It may be your idea to go to therapy or it might not. Sometimes parents or teachers bring up the idea first because they notice that someone they care about is dealing with a difficult situation, is losing weight, or seems unusually sad, worried, angry, or upset. Some people in this situation might welcome the idea or even feel relieved. Others might feel criticized or embarrassed and unsure if they’ll benefit from talking to someone.

Sometimes people are told by teachers, parents, or the courts that they have to go see a therapist because they have been behaving in ways that are unacceptable, illegal, self-destructive, or dangerous. When therapy is someone else’s idea, a person may at first feel like resisting the whole idea. But learning a bit more about what therapy involves and what to expect can help make it seem OK.

What Is Therapy?

Therapy isn’t just for mental health. You’ve probably heard people discussing other types of medical therapy, such as physical therapy or chemotherapy. But the word “therapy” is most often used to mean psychotherapy (sometimes called “talk therapy”) — in other words, psychological help to deal with stress or problems.

Psychotherapy is a process that’s a lot like learning. Through therapy, people learn about themselves. They discover ways to overcome difficulties, develop inner strengths or skills, or make changes in themselves or their situations. Often, it feels good just to have a person to vent to, and other times it’s useful to learn different techniques to help deal with stress.

A psychotherapist (therapist, for short) is a person who has been professionally trained to help people deal with stress or other problems. Psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, counselors, and school psychologists are the titles of some of the licensed professionals who work as therapists. The letters following a therapist’s name (for example, MD, PhD, PsyD, EdD, MA, LCSW, LPC) refer to the particular education and degree that therapist has received.

Some therapists specialize in working with a certain age group or on a particular type of problem. Other therapists treat a mix of ages and issues. Some work in hospitals, clinics, or counseling centers. Others work in schools or in psychotherapy offices, often called a “private practice” or “group practice.”

What Do Therapists Do?

Most types of therapy include talking and listening, building trust, and receiving support and guidance. Sometimes therapists may recommend books for people to read or work through. They may also suggest keeping a journal. Some people prefer to express themselves using art or drawing. Others feel more comfortable just talking.

When a person talks to a therapist about which situations might be difficult for them or what stresses them out, this helps the therapist assess what is going on. The therapist and client then usually work together to set therapy goals and figure out what will help the person feel better or get back on track.

It might take a few meetings with a therapist before people really feel like they can share personal stuff. It’s natural to feel that way. Trust is an essential ingredient in therapy — after all, therapy involves being open and honest about sensitive topics like feelings, ideas, relationships, problems, disappointments, and hopes. A therapist understands that people sometimes take a while to feel comfortable sharing personal information.

Most of the time, a person meets with a therapist one on one, which is known as individual therapy. Sometimes, though, a therapist might work with a family (called family therapy) or a group of people who all are dealing with similar issues (called group therapy or a support group). Family therapy gives family members a chance to talk together with a therapist about problems that involve them all. Group therapy and support groups help people give and receive support and learn from each other and their therapist by discussing the issues they have in common.

What Happens During Therapy?

If you see a therapist, he or she will talk with you about your feelings, thoughts, relationships, and important values. At the beginning, therapy sessions are focused on discussing what you’d like to work on and setting goals. Some of the goals people in therapy may set include things like:

  • improving self-esteem and gaining confidence
  • figuring out how to make more friends
  • feeling less depressed or less anxious
  • improving grades at school
  • learning to manage anger and frustration
  • making healthier choices (for example, about relationships or eating) and ending self-defeating behaviors

During the first visit, your therapist will probably ask you to talk a bit about yourself. Depending on your age, the therapist will also likely meet with a parent or caregiver and ask you to review information regarding confidentiality.

The first meeting can last longer than the usual “therapy hour” and is often called an “intake interview.” This helps the therapist understand you better, and gives you a chance to see if you feel comfortable with the therapist. The therapist will probably ask about problems, concerns, and symptoms that you may be having, or the problems that parents or teachers are concerned about.

After one or two sessions, the therapist may talk to you about his or her understanding of what is going on with you, how therapy could help, and what the process will involve. Together, you and your therapist will decide on the goals for therapy and how frequently to meet. This may be once a week, every other week, or once a month.

With a better understanding of your situation, the therapist might teach you new skills or help you to think about a situation in a new way. For example, therapists can help people develop better relationship skills or coping skills, including ways to build confidence, express feelings, or manage anger.

Sticking to the schedule you agree on with your therapist and going to your appointments will ensure you have enough time with your therapist to work out your concerns. If your therapist suggests a schedule that you don’t think you’ll be able to keep, be up front about it so you can work out an alternative.

How Private Is It?

Therapists respect the privacy of their clients and they keep things they’re told confidential. A therapist won’t tell anyone else — including parents — about what a person discusses in his or her sessions unless that person gives permission. The only exception is if therapists believe their clients may harm themselves or others.

If the issue of privacy and confidentiality worries you, be sure to ask your therapist about it during your first meeting. It’s important to feel comfortable with your therapist so you can talk openly about your situation.

Does It Mean I’m Crazy?

No. In fact, many people in your class have probably seen a therapist at some point — just like students often see tutors or coaches for extra help with schoolwork or sports. Getting help in dealing with emotions and stressful situations is as important to your overall health as getting help with a medical problem like asthma or diabetes.

There’s nothing wrong with getting help with problems that are hard to solve alone. In fact, it’s just the opposite. It takes a lot of courage and maturity to look for solutions to problems instead of ignoring or hiding them and allowing them to become worse. If you think that therapy could help you with a problem, ask an adult you trust — like a parent, school counselor, or doctor — to help you find a therapist.

A few adults still resist the idea of therapy because they don’t fully understand it or have outdated ideas about it. A couple of generations ago, people didn’t know as much about the mind or the mind-body connection as they do today, and people were left to struggle with their problems on their own. It used to be that therapy was only available to those with the most serious mental health problems, but that’s no longer the case.

Therapy is helpful to people of all ages and with problems that range from mild to much more serious. Some people still hold on to old beliefs about therapy, such as thinking that teens “will grow out of” their problems. If the adults in your family don’t seem open to talking about therapy, mention your concerns to a school counselor, coach, or doctor.

You don’t have to hide the fact that you’re going to a therapist, but you also don’t have to tell anyone if you’d prefer not to. Some people find that talking to a few close friends about their therapy helps them to work out their problems and feel like they’re not alone. Other people choose not to tell anyone, especially if they feel that others won’t understand. Either way, it’s a personal decision.

What Can a Person Get Out of Therapy?

What someone gets out of therapy depends on why that person is there. For example, some people go to therapy to solve a specific problem, others want to begin making better choices, and others want to start to heal from a loss or a difficult life situation.

Therapy can help people feel better, be stronger, and make good choices as well as discover more about themselves. Those who work with therapists might learn about motivations that lead them to behave in certain ways or about inner strengths they have. Maybe you’ll learn new coping skills, develop more patience, or learn to like yourself better. Maybe you’ll find new ways to handle problems that come up or new ways to handle yourself in tough situations.

People who work with therapists often find that they learn a lot about themselves and that therapy can help them grow and mature. Lots of people discover that the tools they learn in therapy when they’re young make them feel stronger and better able to deal with whatever life throws at them even as adults. If you are curious about the therapy process, talk to a counselor or therapist to see if you could benefit.

Transgender Youth

Transgender Youth

Usually, kids don’t think too much about their gender. It feels normal and natural for many girls to be female and for many boys to be male. But that’s not true for everyone. Transgender people who are born as boys feel they should be female, and those who are born as girls feel they should be male.

People who are transgender feel like they’re living inside a body that’s all wrong for them. They often say they feel “trapped in someone else’s body.”

What Being Transgender Means

When we think of ourselves as male or female, it’s called gender identity. Everyone has a gender identity — the inborn sense of ourselves as being male or female.

Most people’s gender identity matches their anatomy. But those who are transgender feel different from their physical appearances.

What society expects of men, women, boys, and girls also affects what we feel about ourselves. Every culture has “rules” about what is expected for men and what is expected for women. These expectations can include things like hairstyles, clothing, and jobs — and how people should act or behave.

Society doesn’t have to state these rules because we see them all over. So most people grow up believing men should act a certain way and women should act a certain way without thinking about it much. Transgender people, though, have a very different sense of themselves.

Some transgender people know they feel “different” from the time they’re young children. Others start sensing it around puberty or even later. When people who are transgender become aware that they feel mismatched with their bodies, they may feel confused and emotionally conflicted.

Some decide to physically change their bodies — through surgery or taking hormones — to match the gender they feel they really are. Physically becoming the opposite gender can be a long, complicated, and expensive process.

Not all transgender people decide to get surgery or hormones, though. Some are most comfortable keeping their physical anatomy but dressing as the opposite gender. Some aren’t completely sure what they want yet, but may start by asking to be called a new name and use the pronouns that go with that name (such as “Amanda” instead of “Anthony” and “she” instead of “he”).

Once transgender people start living their lives as the opposite gender, many issues may come up — like how to fill out forms that require checking “female” or “male,” and even which public bathrooms to use.

As with any group, not all transgender people want or think the same things. It all depends on what that particular person needs to feel most comfortable in both body and mind.

Transgender Terms

The word transgender doesn’t only mean that a person identifies with the opposite gender. It also can be used by people who don’t feel like they’re either completely male or completely female.

In addition to transgender, people use other words to describe feeling different from the gender they were born with, such as gender variant, MTF (for male to female), or FTM (for female to male). Some don’t want to be called by any of the terms typically used to describe people who are questioning their gender. They just want to be known as who they are, unique in their own special way.

Gender Identity vs. Sexual Orientation

Being transgender is not the same thing as being gay. Being transgender is about gender identity — the way people see themselves and the gender they identify with. Being gay or lesbian is about sexual orientation — the gender someone is attracted to.

Gay men are attracted to other men and lesbian women are attracted to other women. And most of the time, they’re comfortable with the gender they are.

Because sexual orientation is different from gender identity, a transgender teen can be straight, gay, or bisexual — just like other teens can.

What Is Cross-Dressing?

People who dress in clothes usually associated with a different gender are sometimes called cross-dressers. Not all people who dress as the opposite sex are transgender. Some are, but many are making a clothing choice for fun, comfort, or as a way to express their personal style — not because they see themselves as the other gender.

What Causes People to Be Transgender?

Many health experts believe that being transgender isn’t caused by any one thing. What makes a person comfortable or uncomfortable with his or her anatomy is unclear, but they believe it’s the result of a complex mixture of biology, psychology, and environmental factors — and not simply a matter of choice.

Helping Transgender Teens

The idea that people can feel that they’re in the wrong gender bodies is something that many people have never heard of or don’t understand. Being transgender is something some people feel uncomfortable thinking or talking about.

For some parents, learning that their son wants to be a girl (or their daughter wants to be a boy) can be shocking. In the beginning, parents may feel a range of emotions, including disappointment and a sense of loss. Some parents, though, may have already suspected it and are not really surprised.

Even when the news is unexpected or difficult to hear, it’s important for parents to react with love and understanding. Experts say that even a slightly accepting attitude is helpful. Since gender identity is not a choice, trying to force a child to change his or her gender identity is not helpful and can lead to problems.

If your teen is transgender and you are having difficulty understanding and accepting what it all means, consider meeting with a psychologist who specializes in supporting transgender people. Talking through your reactions and receiving guidance can help you understand what is happening and identify ways you can best support your child.

For people who are transgender, the realization that they feel different from others also can be very difficult. They may face rejection, discrimination, and even anger from people who don’t understand transgender identity, and it can be a challenge to deal with others’ reactions. Not everyone is tolerant or accepting, and transgender teens can face situations that can feel hostile and be unfair. This may lead to feelings of depression and isolation.

Advocacy groups and a growing number of health professionals can help transgender people find acceptance, support, rights, and appropriate medical care. Many expert medical centers are available to help transgender people —and their families — address the complex physical and emotional issues they might face.

Like everyone, transgender people want to feel accepted, understood, and supported.