What’s it like? Let me give you a quick snapshot. On the upswing everyone is your friend. You fear nothing, can do anything, and you are delightful company. Money is no object; sleep – unnecessary. This euphoria continues for a time until your adrenals throw a rod, or something; then, when you least expect it, your mind and body become oddly detached from one another, and you begin to caper around your environment like a racehorse on drugs, unable to prioritize tasks yet unable to sit still. You begin to drop pieces from your daily life so you might manage a smaller and smaller range of obligations; so you occupy less space, like an ever – diminishing target.
Your short term memory becomes approximately one word long. “To do” lists become indispensable; then, one afternoon you find three such lists in your pocket and can’t remember when you made them, or even read parts of them. No activity that normally would be pleasing seems in any way interesting, and you simply idle on high rev, filled with unspent, nervous energy. Your mind is no longer an integral, obedient, friendly companion, but a fearful and errant child that must be beaten into submission day and night.
The routine of your daily life becomes increasingly unpredictable until the day you find yourself in a drug store or a market and can’t remember how you got there or for what purpose. But there you are, trying and failing to count out the change for some incidental purchase, and you think, “Just, damn it! What the hell’s wrong with me? Am I going crazy?”, and you realize you’ve said it aloud. And the lady next in line at the register smiles, locks her eyes on yours, and reaches down slowly, fumbling for her daughter’s hand.
What’s it like