When someone you love is in crisis, the instinct to fix everything and the terror of doing the wrong thing can run together. Here is what to do.
If they are in immediate danger right now
Call 911. Go with them to the emergency room. Call 988 and get immediate guidance. Do not try to handle a life-threatening situation alone.
If the crisis is serious but not immediately physical
Stay calm, or as calm as you can. Your steadiness is regulating for them even when it does not feel like it is doing anything.
Stay with them. Do not leave them alone.
Listen without trying to argue them out of what they are feeling. “I hear you. I’m not going anywhere” is more useful than “things will get better, I promise.”
Ask directly: “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” If yes, treat it as a safety situation. Help them call 988. Take them to the ER if needed.
If they have made a plan to harm themselves or are saying goodbye to people, treat this as an emergency.
What not to do
Do not promise to keep what they tell you a secret if safety is involved. You cannot keep that promise.
Do not try to talk them out of their feelings or tell them reasons things are not as bad as they seem. This typically backfires.
Do not leave them alone if you believe they are at risk.
After the immediate crisis
Make sure they have follow-up support scheduled — a therapist appointment, a doctor’s visit, a check-in with family. A crisis does not end when the acute moment passes.
Take care of yourself. What you just went through is serious. You need support too.