There are friendships that take energy because life is hard.
Your friend is grieving. Their relationship ended. They are depressed. Their family is in chaos. They need more support than usual for a while.
That is different from a friendship where the relationship itself is what keeps draining you.
Look at the pattern after you spend time together
Everybody has an annoying day. The question is what happens repeatedly.
Do you usually leave conversations tense, guilty or exhausted? Are you constantly apologizing for things you did not know were wrong? Does every success become a competition? Are your boundaries treated like personal attacks?
Maybe you cannot relax because you are always managing their reaction.
Maybe the friendship only works when you are useful.
Those patterns are worth noticing.
Support should not require self-erasure
Being a good friend sometimes means showing up when you would rather stay home. It can mean listening to the same heartbreak story for the sixth time because heartbreak apparently has no respect for narrative efficiency.
But friendship should not require you to become permanently available.
You are not a therapist just because somebody trusts you. You are allowed to have limits around late-night calls, emotional dumping, money, rides, schoolwork and how much crisis you can hold.
Notice whether repair is possible
Healthy friendships still have conflict.
The difference often appears afterward.
Can you say, “That hurt me,” without being mocked or punished? Can the other person apologize without adding a five-paragraph explanation of why it was actually your fault? Can both of you change behavior?
A friendship that can repair can survive a lot.
A friendship where every problem becomes proof that one person is terrible usually becomes exhausting fast.
Do not diagnose your friend to justify a boundary
You do not need to decide someone is toxic, narcissistic, manipulative or secretly suffering from a disorder before you are allowed to step back.
Internet diagnosis is a terrible substitute for a boundary.
“This friendship is not good for me right now” is enough.
Distance can be proportional
Not every draining friendship needs a dramatic ending.
You might stop answering immediately. You might spend less one-on-one time together. You might keep the friendship but change what you rely on it for.
Or you may decide the relationship needs to end.
If you are already questioning whether the people you started college with are still your people, that does not make you disloyal. Relationships are allowed to change when people do.
Pay attention to the friendships that give something back
Not transactions. Not scorekeeping.
Just reciprocity.
The friend who asks about your exam after you listened to their breakup story. The one who can celebrate your good news. The one who notices when you are quiet. The one around whom you do not need to audition.
A good friendship can still be complicated.
It should not require you to disappear inside it.