Your friend says, “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Maybe it comes in a text.
Maybe they say it quietly and then immediately change the subject.
Maybe they add “lol” afterward, which somehow makes it harder to know whether you are allowed to take it seriously.
You are allowed to take it seriously.
Ask what they mean
You can say, “Do you mean you’re thinking about suicide?”
That may feel terrifyingly direct.
NIMH recommends asking directly. Research shows that asking about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior.
If they say no, you can keep talking about what they did mean.
If they say yes, you now know this needs more support.
Do not try to win an argument about their life
“But you have so much to live for.”
“Think about your family.”
“You would never actually do that.”
Those reactions usually come from fear.
Try listening instead.
“I’m really glad you told me.”
“I’m here with you.”
“We’re going to get someone to help us with this.”
Suicidal thoughts are not something you are expected to treat.
This is when an adult needs to know
Your friend may beg you not to tell anyone.
You may be afraid they will hate you.
Tell an adult anyway.
A parent or guardian, school counselor, teacher, coach, nurse or another trusted adult who will act.
There are times when telling an adult matters more than keeping a promise of secrecy. This is one of them.
Stay connected while help is coming
If you are with your friend and you believe they may be in immediate danger, stay with them if it is safe for you to do so and get adult or emergency help right away.
In the United States, you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is immediate danger, call emergency services.
You can also contact 988 because you are worried about someone else. You do not have to already know what to do.
You are not responsible for keeping them alive by yourself
This part matters.
You are their friend.
You can care.
You can listen.
You can get help.
You cannot provide twenty-four-hour crisis care, and you should not be asked to.
If your friend makes you feel like you are the only reason they are alive, that is too much for one teenager to carry. Tell an adult and bring in professional support.
Follow up afterward
After adults become involved, your friend may feel embarrassed, angry or exposed.
You can still be their friend.
You can send a normal text.
You can sit with them at lunch.
You can say, “I know you were mad. I still care about you.”
You do not need to become a counselor afterward either.
Your job is not to know everything.
Your job is to notice when something is too big to keep between two students and help make the circle of support larger.