There is a weird pressure in high school to be grateful that you have a group at all.
You have people to sit with. You are in the chat. You get invited sometimes. From the outside, that looks like belonging.
But you can be included and still feel terrible around the people doing the including.
Pay attention to the version of you that shows up around them
Do you constantly edit yourself so nobody makes fun of you?
Are you nervous when you send a message because somebody will screenshot it?
Does one person decide who is “in” each week?
Do jokes keep targeting the same person and everybody is expected to laugh?
Do you leave hangouts feeling worse about your body, intelligence, family, identity or personality?
A group does not have to be obviously cruel every second to affect your self-esteem.
Teasing is not automatically harmless because everyone calls it a joke
Friends joke with each other.
The difference is whether everybody gets to be a person inside the joke.
If you have asked someone to stop and they keep doing it, or the “joke” is designed to embarrass, exclude or control you, that matters. If behavior becomes repeated aggression or bullying, involve an adult at school.
Fear of being alone can keep you in bad company
This is the hard part.
You may know the group makes you feel awful and still be terrified to step away because being left out hurts too.
That does not make you weak. Belonging matters.
Try building other connections before making the group your only choice. Talk more to somebody from class. Reconnect with an old friend. Join something where the social roles are not already fixed.
You can change your level of access
You do not always need a dramatic speech.
You can mute the chat. Spend less time with the group. Stop sharing things they use against you. Say no to plans that always end badly.
If there is one person in the group you trust, talk to them separately.
And if the friendship ends, a friend breakup can hurt a lot even when leaving was healthy.
Get adult help when the situation crosses into bullying or safety
If you are being threatened, harassed, repeatedly humiliated or targeted online or at school, tell a trusted adult. Save evidence of cyberbullying when it is safe to do so and use reporting tools on the platform involved.
You are not required to endure harmful behavior to prove you can take a joke.
A group should not require you to disappear
Healthy friends can annoy you, disagree with you and occasionally say something stupid.
They should also leave room for you to exist.
Belonging is not getting permission to stay in the room.
It is being able to be yourself once you are there.