Some behavior changes can be watched, understood, and addressed with patient, empathetic parenting. Others need more.
When to involve professional support
The behavior change has been sustained for weeks or months without improvement. It is not a bad week. It is a pattern that has settled in.
The change is affecting their functioning significantly. School performance has declined. Friendships have ended or become impossible to maintain. Family life has been significantly disrupted.
You have tried to understand and address the change and nothing is working. You have been patient, you have opened conversations, you have tried to respond thoughtfully — and things are not getting better.
The behavior includes any of the following: self-harm, substance use, significant withdrawal from all relationships, statements of hopelessness or suicidal thinking, reckless or dangerous behavior. These are not “wait and see” situations.
You have a sense that something happened that they have not told you. Behavior changes following a significant event — a traumatic experience, a significant loss, a situation at school or with peers — may indicate something that needs professional processing.
What to do
Start with the pediatrician. A medical evaluation is a sensible first step to rule out physical contributors and get a referral to appropriate mental health support.
Consider a therapist who works with children and adolescents. Therapy can provide a space for a young person to process what they are experiencing with someone who is not a parent — which is often what they need.
If you believe there is a safety concern — self-harm, suicidal thinking, dangerous behavior — move quickly. Do not wait for an appointment that is weeks away. Contact a crisis line, go to an emergency room, or go directly to the pediatrician for an urgent evaluation.
You are not overreacting
Parents frequently wonder whether they are making too much of something. The pattern of underreacting to significant behavior changes in young people is far more common than overreacting.
You know your child. If something has changed in a way that concerns you and has persisted, that concern is worth acting on.